The following is from my forthcoming novel, Brave New Normal (the sequel to Much Ado About Corona). The Canadian government has banned those who have not been vaccinated from travelling outside of their county or region. In this scene Vince and Yamamoto are stopped at a roadside checkpoint near North Bay, Ontario...
After an uncomfortable pause, Yamamoto asked loudly in a German accent, “Your papers, please?”
That made the cop jerk and step back.
“Huh?” he said.
“Your papers, please,” repeated Yamamoto. “That’s what you were going to ask me, wasn’t it?”
The cop’s eyes darted to the side.
“You know, from Casablanca,” continued Yamamoto. “One of my favourite movies. You’ve seen it?”
“No, sir,” said the young cop.
“You gotta watch it. 1942 World War II film. Classic. Two cops stop this guy on the streets of Casablanca, and say, ‘May we see your papers?’” Yamamoto turned his head back to me. “You’ve seen it?”
“No,” I shook my head and tried to act calm. Why did he have to do this? Hadn’t I taken enough of a beating from the cops?
But Yamamoto was just getting started: “Yeah, you know the police don’t actually say please in the movie. A lot of people quote them as being that polite but they just ask to see his papers. No please.”
“They were Nazis?” I asked.
“No, French fascists.”
“Oh,” I said, not really sure what the difference between a Nazi and a fascist was. I pulled out my phone and punched in “wikipedia fascist.”
“Yeah,” continued Yamamoto. “A lot of people remember them as Nazis who say please, when really they were fascists who didn’t bother.” He turned back to the cop, keeping his hands on the steering wheel. “Anyway, the gentleman gives them his papers and one of the fascist cops says it’s expired. Then the guy makes a run for it and they shoot him in the back. ”
The police officer stared back at us, unblinking.
After a pause, Yamamoto asked again, “You sure you haven’t seen it?”
“I don’t think so.”
“You really should,” insisted Yamamoto. “I mean it should be required viewing for this patently fascist position you’re executing.”
“I’m not a fascist,” he grumbled back.
“Do you even know what a fascist is?” Yamamoto shot back.
No reply.
I cleared my throat and held up my phone. “Says on Wikipedia that a fascist is an authoritarian, ultra-national political ideology…”
“Check, check, check,” said Yamamoto looking the cop up and down.
“…characterized by a dictatorial leader… “
“Big shout out to our prime minister,” said Yamamoto.
“Militarism…” I continued reading.
“Roger that,” said Yamamoto pointing his index finger out like a gun at the young constable’s utility belt.
“…forcible suppression of opposition… “
“You can vouch for that one, eh, amigo?” he said elbowing me.
“…and subordination of individual interests to the perceived good of the nation and race.”
“Yeah! There you go. I think Canada almost passes inspection. We’re just lacking one thing before we can claim to be a fully fascist state…”
The cop tipped his head to the side and asked, “What’s that?”
“Cops who can say: Your papers, please. And I really want you to say please, even though it wasn’t in the movie. It’s the Canadian thing to do. Especially if you’re going to shoot me after.”
“No one is going to be shot.”
“Are you joking?” said Yamamoto. “Our fascist government wants everyone shot, every three months.”
“I meant with a gun.”
“Both are lethal.”
“Are you an anti-vaxer?”
“No, I’m anti-fascist.”
I hope you enjoyed the excerpt, and can't wait to read the novel. This, of course, is a work-in-progress. Constructive feedback can be emailed to me at john@blazingpinecone.com.
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