Guacamole poisoning in the Mexican rainforest
Blazing Reader,
On Monday, I shared a largely true story (along with photographic evidence) about how my new wife (then fiance), Ina, and our kids were kidnapped by pirates off the coast of Mexico. If you missed that adventure, you can catch up here.
Today, I'd like to share photos from our trip into the jungle. This story is 100% true (including, sadly, the food poisoning).
On the third day of our trip, we journeyed up into the mountains to visit Canopy El Eden. Here's a photo of us waiting for the taxi on the streets of Puerto Vallarta...
Canopy El Eden has some of Mexico's longest ziplines running through lush, green rainforest. The jungle scenery was beautiful...
Here's my son Jonah, and Ina's son, Kevin, crossing the bridge to the ziplining area...
Stunning. The restroom, on the other hand, was disgusting. I'll spare you a photo.
The adjacent restaurant, however, had a very clean restroom. I wish I could say the same for their guacamole. (More about that later.)
This sub-tropical paradise was also the same location where the movie Predator was filmed. As you can see, one of the homicidal aliens from the film greeted us upon arrival and attacked my bride-to-be. I, however, fought him off with my bare hands (and a tip)....
Despite the food poisoning, the gruesome washroom and the ghoulish ET, the actual ziplining experience was fantastic. We hiked up the mountainside with two guides. Here's one of them flying through the junglescape with my blind son (who otherwise wouldn't know when to break).
I must admit, I've never been ziplining before and was a bit wary of shooting through the air at high speed suspended by a wire...
But after my first run, I was loving it and figured it was a good enough way to die as any...
Ina, however, looked like she was enjoying it even more than me...
And she had no issues sending her two sons out over the abyss...
Afterwards, we headed to the adjacent restaurant, which was built into the mountainside. While we waited an ol' Mexican, with a hoarse voice, sang us a song, while tapping (not playing) his cello. Like the alien who greeted us, we tipped him to leave us alone...
The meal they served tasted fantastic. The portion sizes, however, were ridiculous. We had to doggy bag a bushelful of guacamole.
The leftover guacamole, however, never got eaten. Upon arriving back at the resort, Ina, Jonah and I all began feeling quite ill to the stomach. We were the only ones who ate the guacamole.
I've only thrown up once before in my entire life. That night, however, I made up for lost time. I also produced diarrhea with such force and volume, I could have put out a grease fire.
Ina was too ladylike to vomit as much as me, while Jonah fared the best. Still, it put us out of order for a day or so, leading to us missing a trip to a waterpark, and postponing the commitment ceremony we had planned for our Mexican elopement.
I'll share photos from the ceremony along with our encounter with the resort's feral crocodile on Friday.
—John C.A. Manley
P.S. While in Mexico, I was interviewed by Hrvoje Morić for his Geopolitics & Empire podcast. We discuss the hope and horror of AI, what it means to be human and my new novel, All the Humans are Sleeping. You can listen to our conversation (and my hoarse, post-poisoned voice) here.
John C. A. Manley is the author of Much Ado About Corona, All The Humans Are Sleeping and other works of philosophical fiction that are "so completely engaging that you find yourself alternately laughing, gasping, hanging on for dear life." Get free samples of his stories by becoming a Blazing Pine Cone email subscriber.
