Blazing Reader,

I'm a long-time M. Night Shyamalan fan. Whenever one of his movies is in the theatre, so am I. Unbreakable is one of my favourite all-time films. So, when I heard he teamed up with author Nicholas Sparks (of The Notebook fame) to write a novel with a similar supernatural theme as The Sixth Sense, I was eager to read it.

For Christmas, my Dutch wife, Ina, bought copies of Remain in both English and Dutch (Blijf bij me), so we could read one sentence at a time in both languages to help me and my son Jonah learn Dutch. I usually enjoy watching Shyamalan's films twice, so why not his debut novel?

As it turned out, neither Ina, my nineteen-year-old son Jonah, nor I could make it past the first fifty pages. Two thumbs down...

Now, to be fair, I think Nicholas Sparks did most of the writing, while Shyamalan focused on story development. Still, I can't forgive him for putting his name on this book, which I think AI could have outdone with one data cable tied behind its back during a server outage.

First, the writing is not bad. It's just boring. Many of Spark's descriptions are quite charming, or, at least, "pleasant." For example:

"Cruising down its main thoroughfare, Pleasant Street, I took note of the quaint, upscale stores selling antiques, gourmet ice cream, wooden toys, and brick oven pizza, as well as the parents pushing expensive strollers on brick-paved sidewalks. Day-trippers ducked in and out of shops, while beneath a large old-fashioned clock, a pair of older gentlemen in baseball caps conferred on a wooden bench."

Pleasant prose aside, the pages turn with very little story development. The book begins with the protagonist greeting old friends, making lunch plans, and then planning the layout of their new seaside home. Here's an example of how painfully dull the story unfolds:

At the picnic table, I turned to the first page of my notebook.

"You and Lorena have discussed the basics of what you want, right?"

"Somewhat," Oscar answered. "We've always dreamed about having a summer house, and the kids love the beach."

I cocked my head. "Do you two have a style in mind? Like a traditional Cape Cod? Or something more modern?"

"We were going to wait to see what you might recommend."

I nodded, unfazed. Many of my previous clients — all of them highly successful in all sorts of ways — had difficulty at the concept stage of the process. The challenge usually lay in their desire to build something recognizably better and different and more attention-getting than their equally wealthy neighbors' houses, but I knew that neither Oscar nor Lorena thought in those terms. They were less interested in building a status symbol than in having a place that would truly feel like home."

Such predictable sentimentalism and ho-hum dialogue continue without seeming end. I've never read a Sparks novel before, and, after this experience, probably never will again. Nonetheless, I assume his other works better explain how he ever became an international bestseller.

Further adding to the dullness are entire chapters summarizing the history of various characters intermixed with what reads like character sketches. Pages and pages of content like this:

The old woman had few close friends, but she was unshakeably loyal and discreet with the ones she had, never betraying a secret. Everyone figured she was stubborn enough to reach the age of a hundred, but she had died three years earlier, leaving a hole that would never be completely filled.

The only chapter of interest is the flashback to the protagonist's dying sister, who claims to see ghosts. It's a rather bizarre chapter, with some weird mouth breathing happening, but at least somewhat interesting.

I rarely give a book two stars, but that's what I'm compelled to rate this book. It pains me, as I'm a big fan of Shyamalan. The only film of his which I didn't enjoy was The Happening. In fact, I try to pretend it never happened. I'll do the same with Remain.

John C.A. Manley

P.S. For my favourable review of Shyamalan's last film, check out: Just the type of guy you'd want as your neighbour if he didn't have this unacceptable habit...

John C. A. Manley is the author of Much Ado About Corona, All The Humans Are Sleeping and other works of philosophical fiction that are "so completely engaging that you find yourself alternately laughing, gasping, hanging on for dear life." Get free samples of his stories by becoming a Blazing Pine Cone email subscriber.